Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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