wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
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