oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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