I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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