Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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