it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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