I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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