she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
