Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
