Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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