Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
