She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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