Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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