yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize