it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
