she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
