They should really pass out barf bags in church
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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