did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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