dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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