i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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