matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
