i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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