can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
