I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
