I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize