Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
