I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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