Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
