Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We are two peas in an std pod
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
