Non-Jews are for practice
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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