Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
