In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
