im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My friends, they love my intelligence
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
