and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Pooping to opera.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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