If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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