I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
