I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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