He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
