Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize