i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
