Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
