she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
