You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
