I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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