I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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