Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Buhtt sex?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
