I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We have so much sex to catch up on
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
