Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
