I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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