My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
