I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
