we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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