I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
