I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
