my soul wont recognize me after tonight
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
