You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
