no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
