Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
