yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
