hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
