yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
