the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
