you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
