I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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