Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
