you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize