Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize