He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
