What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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